I have a feeling this might be long and I won’t put it under a cut so sorry about that.
I’m tired of feeling alone and feeling invisible. But I tend to feel this way most of the time. When I don’t feel this way, it’s because of the wonderful people here on tumblr who make me feel wanted and cared about. With encouraging comments to even just a “like” on a text post, you guys really make me feel good. Besides my relationship partner, I do not get those kinds of feelings from anyone I know in person. I am forgotten about and left behind all the time. I really do feel invisible. I’m slowly starting to come to accept this, and I’m trying to be positive (so maybe I’m like Luna Lovegood) but even she made friends in the end.
I’m tired of caring and getting nothing in return from people I know in person. I have literally no friends in person. Especially not female friends. I don’t have friends I can go shopping with, or go to the bar or movies, or exercise with, or get my hair done with, I don’t. I really truly honestly do not. And it’s upsetting to see people I know who DO have friends who act like they don’t. I WISH I had what these people have. I wish I had friends. I wish I was attractive. I wish I was attractive enough to the point where I like having my picture taken. I rarely post selfies because I honestly hate the way I look. And I know people who say they hate how they look but gets tons and tons of positive feedback and likes and everything from people. I wish I always got good grades. I wish my crippling anxiety didn’t get in the way of my life like it does. Employment is difficult for me. Right now I do not have a job. I wish I could accomplish something, like run a marathon, but sometimes I get so stuck in my depression and anxiety that I can’t leave my bed.
But I’m done dwelling on these thoughts. I’m not totally alone. I have an amazing little group right here on the internet. I’m tired of letting people who couldn’t care less about me get me down.
I’d like to talk to you all more, and try to break out of my shell.
If you guys have instagram or twitter or goodreads or pinterest, let me know.
I’m trying to stay off of facebook though. Facebook really gets me down.
I’m going to make a new tumblr, too.
Thanks again guys for being there for me. You keep me going. ♥
Even people who I rarely talk to or never have talked to (cause of my stupid anxiety), just seeing your posts make my day. ♥